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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24995089">the musings of a human heart</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/monroevilles/pseuds/monroevilles'>monroevilles</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Haikyuu!!</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Love Confessions, M/M, Mutual Pining, kita shinsuke is a god, miya atsumu is a kita stan, side osasuna</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-06-30</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-06-30</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 03:40:40</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,628</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24995089</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/monroevilles/pseuds/monroevilles</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>He felt like a mere mortal who stumbled upon a god which embodied perfection.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Kita Shinsuke/Miya Atsumu</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>5</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>90</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>the musings of a human heart</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Here is Miya Atsumu: Falling in love.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>His eyes dart towards Kita Shinsuke and he inhales deeply. He feels dizzy at the sight of the third year captain. His mind wanders off to a different universe and he could barely keep up; his head was pounding and his heart raced. Atsumu felt something that reverberated throughout every muscle in his body that he figured he had no idea how to properly put into words.</p><p>Kita walks near him. Atsumu looks away.</p><p>“Is somethin’ wrong?” Kita asked in a soft voice. Atsumu wanted, at that moment, to rot in shame and cease to exist. His captain just caught him staring.</p><p>Atsumu shakes his head. “N-No. Nothing.” </p><p>Kita nods. Atsumu sighs. </p><p>Falling in love... is hard.</p><p>Atsumu could see himself nowhere near Kita Shinsuke. Atsumu could feel himself shrink and shrivel into a small ant. His eyes follow Kita’s back and oh, how he wished to feel Kita’s warmth. His yearning for Kita had always been there for as long as he remembered, and he knows— he’s sure— his longing will only grow and blossom until he is rendered unable to even properly withstand just the presence of his captain.</p><p>Atsumu sweeps the thought under the rug, but for some reason: it’s still there. He tries so well to bury it along with seventy other emotions and ways Kita had made him feel. . .</p><p> </p><p>But he can’t.</p><p> </p><p>Atsumu notices Kita’s presence everywhere. There is a hint of Kita Shinsuke in all the small things he sees and does. He looks at the gym’s door — and he feels so small — and he wants to bang his head on a wall. </p><p>
  <em>He felt like a mere mortal who stumbled upon a god who embodied perfection.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>Here is Miya Atsumu: Struggling.</p><p> </p><p>“Do ya have plans on confessing?” Osamu breaks the silence between them, fussing over their lunch which he was preparing. Atsumu looks over at his twin before finally realising what Osamu was saying.</p><p>His fingers fiddled with the nearest piece of cloth he could find: the curtain behind him. He watches Osamu with a keen eye, following everything Osamu’s hands are going through with delicateness. </p><p>“Didn’tcha hear me, or are ya playing deaf?” Osamu adds with a bored tone, throwing Atsumu one bento box and a small carton of milk. Atsumu scoffed at him and evaded his questioning gaze, and suddenly, milk cartons were the most interesting thing Atsumu found, staring hard at it.</p><p>“Nah, I’m gonna get turned down.”</p><p>Osamu walks away. “No, nitwit. Ya aren’t gonna get turned down.” He peers over his shoulder to look straight in Atsumu’s eyes, and for a moment, he hesitated whether to add something because he sees it as clear as day in Atsumu’s eyes and face: the confusion and the conflict of his feelings were seeping through his facade, and Osamu isn’t sure whether he wanted to contribute more to what Atsumu’s feeling.</p><p>Atsumu notices how off Osamu looked when they met gazes. “Jus’ say it already.”</p><p>“Kita-san... he looks at ya the same way ya look at him.” Osamu replies, walking away. “Oi, hurry up. We have a short meeting.”</p><p>Atsumu could feel his world stop spinning. He lifts his head and he felt the lump in his throat disappear. <em>WhatishesayingWhatishesayingWhatishesaying?</em> Therei a flurry of emotions stirring in his fragile heart, and quick, whirring and jarring bullet trains of thoughts in his head with no actual routes; confused trains of thoughts matched with confused bags of emotions. He wants to bang his head on a wall... again.</p><p>“OI! ‘TSUMU, WE’RE GOING TO BE LATE!!” Osamu screams out, bringing Atsumu back to reality.</p><p><em>Ah.</em> Atsumu thinks a more coherent thought and he shakes his head, it it was either in disappointment or melancholy, he did not know. That was all Osamu said and he managed to fit at least seventy plus thoughts and emotions in just one sentence. He walks out their house and catches up to his twin.</p><p>“I’m not forcin’ ya ‘ta confess.”</p><p>Atsumu raises a brow. “‘Kay? Yer point is?”</p><p>Osamu shrugs. “Confess when ya feel like it. All I’m saying is, ya have a chance.” He gazes at the clouds overhead before looking at Atsumu again. Then, ever so slightly, Osamu smiled at Atsumu. “You’ll be surprised.”</p><p>Atsumu is taken aback and he stays silent for a while. </p><p>“Hah.” Atsumu slings an arm around his brother. “Well, thanks, dumbass. Why’re ya giving me advice when ya haven’t even confessed ‘ta Suna yet?” </p><p>Osamu removed Atsumu’s arm in annoyance. “Ya dumb dog, I’ve confessed already.”</p><p>“Oho? What happened?”</p><p>“He said he’ll think about it.”</p><p>“I see.”</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Here is Miya Atsumu...</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Fighting every ounce of need to glance in Kita’s direction. He felt like dying. There was something in the way Kita gazes at things like the balls scattered on the ground, the clock hung near a whiteboard, or the sun which was visible from a small window directly across the gym. Atsumu cannot pinpoint whether it was how soft and comforting Kita looked, or how it seemed like Kita was waiting for something... or someone.</p><p>“Kita-san?” he calls. Kita looks at him and he felt his world collapse. Kita looked ethereal, basking in the colors of the setting sun. “Do ya have time to talk?”</p><p>Kita glances at the clock. He nods at Atsumu. “Give me five. I’ll just get changed.”</p><p>And again, just like any other time, Atsumu stares at Kita’s back. There is... a sense of security he gets when Kita within the same vicinity as him. He’s sure he isn’t the only one who feels this, as he knew both Osamu and Suna have talked about their precious captain so fondly. They’ve had conversations about Kita. It happened so often that Atsumu’s sure even Suna knew of his growing affection for Kita.</p><p>Osamu described Kita as well-grounded. Suna said “he’s kinda scary but he’s kind and really caring, it’s confusing sometimes”. And all Miya Atsumu could do was nod and agree, before dropping a “that guy is everyone’s source of comfort.”</p><p>It was Suna and Osamu’s turn to nod and agree.</p><p>“Atsumu.” Kita greets upon his return. His shirt didn’t cling to his skin anymore, and all that’s left as a remainder from the gruesome practice was the faint smell of sweat and salonpas from Kita. “Did ya need anything?”</p><p>Atsumu shakes his head. “No. N-Nothin’ in particular.” His eyes alternated between Kita and the floor, and he swears the more he struggled with where he should look, the more he struggled to get things over with. “Actually, there is something.”</p><p>Kita walks away from Atsumu to sit at a nearby bench. Atsumu watched closely as Kita patted the empty space beside him, motioning for Atsumu to go near him. </p><p>“Okay. What was it ya wanted ‘ta say?”</p><p>Atsumu inhales deeply. Kita blinked at him.</p><p>“Well, ya see. . . It’s already yer third year. You’re gonna be graduating soon. And...” Atsumu looks away.</p><p>Say it.</p><p>“I just wanted ‘ta say... Uh.”</p><p>
  <em>Say it.</em>
</p><p>“Ya really matter to me.” Atsumu looks back up at Kita. “A-And to all the members too!”</p><p>God, Atsumu. <strong><em>Say it.</em></strong></p><p>“Kita-san, I might not get another chance ‘ta say this but I—”</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Here is Miya Atsumu: Trying to keep his shit together because Kita Shinsuke was kissing him.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Atsumu’s mind went blank. There it is again: a warm emotion stirring and brewing in all of the small crevices and the well-hidden rifts along his fragile heart. It was warm. It was serene. It was tranquil. In that moment where Kita’s lips met his, Atsumu played with words and sentences and adjectives hoping that maybe, any word was, in any way, able to amount and adequately address the feeling in the pit of his stomach, in the deepest crevices of his heart, and the way his hands were shaking so subtly as they made their way to Kita’s shoulders, and then to his hair. </p><p>Atsumu closes his eyes, lips still pressed against Kita’s. Oh. <em>Oh, Kita-san jus’ kissed me. </em></p><p>Atsumu’s eyes dart open as he slowly and carefully part lips with Kita. Kita still looked ethereal as he gasped for air, chest falling and rising. Kita looked ethereal, basking in the colors of the setting sun. Kita looked ethereal, as his hands clasped over Atsumu’s. Kita looked ethereal, looking straight in Atsumu’s eyes. Slowly, and quietly, almost like a whisper to a newborn child who finally fell asleep after gruesome crying, Kita, with a beaming smile, “I love you, Atsumu.”</p><p>Then Atsumu feels warm. And comfortable. And at peace. </p><p>“Wait, wait,” Atsumu backs away from Kita in the slightest way possible, still keeping his hands clasped over Kita’s, “Come again?”</p><p>“I said it loud an’ clear, ‘Tsumu,” Kita chuckles. “I love you.”</p><p>There is a collection of emotions Kita had made Atsumu feel in the very back of his mind. A long and comprehensive list, ranging from <em>oh, he is my source of comfort</em> to <em>ah, I do not understand what I am feeling but it feels really nice and I would like it if it happened again</em>. There is warmth bubbling somewhere in the pits of Atsumu’s heart, slowly but surely, making their way to the list of things Kita Shinsuke made him felt.</p><p>“Kita-san,”</p><p>Kita shakes his head.</p><p>“Shinsuke-san?”</p><p>“Ya got it.”</p><p>“I love you, too.” Atsumu beams. When Kita smiles with contentment and mirth at Atsumu, Atsumu felt the entirety of his small world crumble. Like a new house built on sturdier foundations or a flock of birds migrating, Atsumu found solace and peace—now he doesn’t mind if his own world crumbled and went down in turmoil.</p><p>Miya Atsumu discarded his own world in exchange for a world built alongside Kita Shinsuke.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>hello, thank you for reading!<br/>this is the first time i wrote about atsumu and kita, and i’m still trying to get a hang of their accents ahaha. this fic was born because the idea of atsumu pining immensely for kita suddenly popped in my head while i was washing dishes and i just really winged everything else. it took me two braincells to finish this. thank u</p><p>talk to me on twt @dostoyesvky !!</p></blockquote></div></div>
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